Journey from my bath tub

I'm still obsessing about this weight gain around my middle, something about it continues to elude me. So last night while soaking in my bath I asked my body again for elucidation. The answer was that it has to do with my relationship with food, that I fear the pain of deprivation because I am not connected to my body – I do not feel ‘substantial’ – I have no substance, therefore I eat whenever I am ungrounded because food anchors us physically. However, this is only a band-aid solution. What I really need is spiritual anchoring, my spirit needs to be anchored to the earth. My body suggested that I lie on the ground more often, which is not an appealing idea to me. Then it suggested that I take a (shamanic) journey to the Lower World, right there and then in the bath tub...

Immediately I saw an opening to a cave, the landscape is all reddish-orangy-gold-yellow. I would like to paint that scene. I went up to the opening and asked for a spirit animal. A little spotted owl appears. Small enough to hold in my hand, it perches on my fingers and said ‘whooo’. I stepped closer and looked into the opening and see that there’s no steps or path leading from it. It’s just a plummet straight down into the dark below. I was a bit intimidated but trusted that the little owl will help me. She said ‘whooo!’, grips my fingers tight, and off we went – jump!

We fell and fell and the back of my mind is wondering if anything is at the bottom to catch me... then a faint glow started to appear below and grew stronger as we fell closer and closer. Our fall began to slow, somehow, as if there are brakes in the air, and there were wisps of mist floating up and around. The reddish-orangy glow is much stronger now as we somehow ‘landed’ very gently on my feet, as if the mist cushioned me, the little owl still attached to my fingers.

Immediately I saw a big tall ‘thing’ in front of me, glowing a fiery red-orange. This is the source of the glow. The front of it is a smooth plane, not polished marble smooth, but flat. It is fire solidified, ‘frozen’ fire. Little owl tells me that it is still incredibly hot, so be careful not to touch it. I asked little owl to help me understand what I’m supposed to learn here. It flew around to the back of the thing and I followed. The piece curved back at the top and I could see a spot of green, like tarnished copper, on it. It is a spot that’s beginning to ‘thaw’ and will continue to get bigger and bigger until the whole block melts and becomes liquid fire, then it will shoot out of its underground storage and pour into the outside world.

This is about CHANGE, transformation so huge the likes we have not seen nor imagined. Everything and every being in our world will be changed in visible and invisible ways. I will find myself unrecognizable from the way I am now. This is in the future but not that distant – 3 years.

As usual my mind questions whether I am desperately crazy or just creative but misguided... I wonder if there is such a thing as 'frozen' fire, kinda like dry ice...