Starting from the end

Thinking about my re-entry into my blog, how to bridge the 2 years that I haven’t been on it, the 2 years that marks the biggest transition in my life since 2000. And it’s only beginning, though this time I must admit, it took me by surprise. I had somehow convinced myself that one big overhaul in a lifetime is the limit, that where I got to after my healing with homeopathy, separation, divorce, new relationships, heartbreaks, learning homeopathy and other alternative healing modalities, finding my soulmate, changing my career (to homeopathy), deepening into healing, change career again (to healthfood), deeper into healing still, and yet another change of career (to writing), all this and moving 5 times in 10 years, I’d say there’s been quite a toss-up of a storm in my little teacup...

It’s a good thing I didn’t know any of this was to come, the anticipatory anxiety alone would’ve kill me. Blessed is the Fool.

So here I am, looking at a blank page again, quite a familiar sight throughout my life. If I take a step back and survey the scene, I would have to say, who are you? And what are you doing here? What if I’m a stranger who just walked into this blog, who would I see, what would I want to know, to really know who lives here?

These questions overwhelm me, but I feel pressed for a decision. I will start from the end. I will start from today, and back...

Today is the new moon in Cancer and a solar eclipse, a very potent time. New moons are for beginnings, setting intentions that you want to manifest, and eclipses accelerate and intensify whatever’s been set into motion. An astrology reading I had recently (from Jan at astrogrrl.com) recommended that I use a blog as a vehicle for my writing, and launch my first posts around the new moon/solar eclipse. This gives me a stage and an audience (just me right now), and a voice I can project out there. She suggested that I write to my audience, and this gave me pause, feeling as I do that I am writing for myself alone. The day may come that I will tell a story to someone else, but for now that someone is me, though I may address the various parts of me in turn as I continue with my healing. For this blog is about healing, and now it is also about writing, as the two have become entwined and synergistic in my life.

I write, to document healing, I write, also to heal.

I write, hoping one day it will inspire and bring others to healing, that it will give comfort and encouragement when the work becomes too hard to bear, that it will spark hope for healing and spill a little light on the path, just as many others have done for me on my own path.

I write, knowing writing is a part of my new vocation, though I cannot see what form it is to take. I find it difficult oftentimes to surrender myself completely to my writing. So I will make that one of my intentions for this new moon.