Waiting As Stillness

Woke up in the night laden with the heaviness of financial burden, which prompted me to go back and work on a dream I had 4 days ago, without any conscious notion prior that the dream was about exactly that. Having worked through it now did not ‘lift’ my spirit (the dream was about a digger with forklifts), though there is comfort in knowing that the lift will come. I just have to wait. I sometimes think waiting is the highest form of torture for humans. Waiting to be guillotined is worse than the actual moment of being guillotined.

What is it about waiting that is so painful to bear? My inner knowing tells me that this is the wrong question to ask… hmmm…

Well, because to wait is to be in stillness, and we all know how hard that is. To maintain focus, that is, mindfulness, in the present moment, in the task at hand, which happens to be waiting in this case, and not try to distract that presence of mind from the anticipated boredom and restlessness (symptoms of the mind being elsewhere), IS being still. So, waiting is perceived to be painful and arduous because we are not waiting with stillness, we’ve not learned that waiting, in this life, IS stillness.

I am not waiting, then. I am being still.