A Celestial Snapshot

Feeling brain-tired these last few days, the sense that I am still trying too hard, yet not trying hard enough. I’m still pushing myself, fighting surrender to stillness.

Michael is away at the Fire today and I feel a bit more relaxed that I’ll have the day to myself, in the sense that I will only have myself to deal with :)

I always feel that there are things I have to catch up on – chores, phone calls and emails I’ve put off, haircut, exercise, books I’m supposed to read, shopping, grooming Nemo, etc. etc. Once in a while these things get bunched up and the anxiety gets too intense.

At any given moment I could be found running concurrent trains of thought, and trying to attend to them all at the same time. Of course, that’s just a set up to fail, and my anxiety climbs up a notch. Trying to do too much AND feeling like I’m never doing enough is the cardinal sin of a 7. Mercury is in retrograde yet my mind is like a runaway train, and my body being dragged behind it, struggling to keep up...

The question is, should I go with it and ride it out, or does it better serve to work on balancing it? I shall try not to go for the ‘righteous’ answer... Ride it out, my body says, let it spend and empty itself out by the New Moon (in Virgo) next week, then begin again with a clean slate. Good advice.

This new moon affects me in my 4th and 7th house, family issues and partners. My sister has just informed me that our plan to take our mother on a vacation abroad for her 70th birthday next February has been deep-sixed. I had proposed the idea originally not only because it’s a landmark birthday for her and the 3 of us had never spent time together as adults, but the real motivation for me was my suspicion that mother is a bit depressed. She has taken care of others all of her life, and now she wants some for herself. But she wants it in the way a child needs it: basic, unconditional, tender, loving, caring – physically and emotionally; and the most obvious provider for this is her mate, my dad, who has said in so many words that he refuses to care for her on these terms. Instead, he searches out remedies and medicine for her every ill, tries to get her to take them, until she refuses them too. She is a realist, practical and earthy; my dad tends to the opposite.

I had hoped to give her a chance for a respite from her usual routines, perspectives and stressors, and perhaps the space and new horizons of a different landscape will allow her to find an opening and let some of it out, perhaps together we can heal some of the wounds. Of course, these sprang from my own observations and at least in part are my own projections, that some of what I think she needs is what I need myself, that I feel a lack of some basic TLC in my own life. Perhaps the 3 of us, mother and daughters, can find it in ourselves to do for each other’s needs and our own. Wouldn’t that be wonderful? And very original too, in our family... If we can do this, perhaps then we’ll have more of ourselves to pool our resources, and bring the men in too, to this new-found circle of love, instead of keeping them out and denying our need of them. This is my big new wish for the new moon.

My sister and I also talked about an alternative of taking mother on a weekend trip to Montreal after the cold weather is over. It’ll be easier and less of a change and risktaking for folk used to old, familiar ways, and we’ll still have a chance to rub more than our elbows with each other’s, and see what falls out.

As far as the 7th house influence on partner relationships, Michael and I had a nice little discussion about my needs the other day, after I had that dream about begging for food from the complaining woman in charge at McDonalds. As I worked on the dream I was guided to see that it was about needs: my beliefs about it, my aversion to neediness, and of course, my own needs, my repression and denial of them. At one point of the work I got stuck and nothing would come to me. My body said then to ask Michael, so I did. This prompted our talk, and I think we both did a bit of soul-searching at the same time. But it isn’t until this moment that I realize the question we ought to ask ourselves and each other is, what do I feel I need from you that I am not asking for?

We’ve had a relatively stress-free year so far, but when the waves get big, what is the most important thing that I will need from my lifeboat mate? Perhaps this is a good time to investigate that...

The new moon is yet to come, but these issues have already been spot-lit for me...

The other celestial configuration exerting forces in our lives, arriving September 9, is Jupiter in Pisces. Another biggie for me, touching on the 1st and 10th house. Jupiter and Uranus are also conjunct.

The First House represents the self, self-image, our being, potential, and path to our life's purpose. Jupiter's transit here bring opportunities, happiness, a little luck and favor. You're more confident, a bit bolder and willing to take more risks. So, if you're already naturally a risk-taker, perhaps you might want to keep that in mind and step back to look before you leap sometimes. Become aware of what the universe is offering. Watch your diet, however, don't let the expansion be of your physical body. Jupiter has been in your 12th house for a year where his influence was subtler. Whatever indelible marks or dreams inspired by Jupiter in the 12th, you have the chance to practice or make happen. (wow, I didn’t know it’s been a year, but it’s very true that my dreams have become the pillar for my spiritual guidance and manifestation of much of my healing and growth this past year)

The Tenth House represents professional pursuits, long-term goals, and public reputation. Ideal period to focus on career and aspirations. Advancing within your current company. Getting promoted. Finding something more suitable to your liking. You will generally have favor and good reputation during a Jupiter transit here.

Hmmm... full of portent...