Inside the Chrysalis

Thursday, September 9, 2010

No dream recall, but woke up with the ‘uglies’ in my conscious today... that I am not good/beautiful/acceptable enough - #10 of my new moon wishes. The cause was shown to me just now, and I saw again, how my first and last betrayal by a man had unseated me. I saw myself falling from the height of my life – really, I was so high on life – plunging headlong, so suddenly and so fast, as if the wings I had so recently sprouted had been ripped out mid-flight, into a depth I could not even see, blinded by the shock.

I knew I had given up then, on love, on relationships, on ever knowing life with a soulmate by my side. I remember sitting on the patio of Sarah’s Café I didn’t know that I had also lost a piece of myself, the part that had always been assured of the genuine affection and adoration of men in my life. I suppose I am lucky that I’ve had it for so long.

So I asked my body to help me heal this. I asked whether there’s anything I ought to do. An image of a butterfly (a Monarch, of course, they are everywhere these days) came, then a pupa, the chrysalis, came. I knew then, the message, and the flash of truth striking home split me open as if in half. I felt the halves peel back, and there was a great space inside and beyond, aquamarine blue and deep, fluid though not water nor air, full of some kind of poignancy and potency I could not name. The truth given to me was that I don’t have to ‘do’ anyting; there is nothing to do but wait and incubate like the ‘imaginal disks’ inside the coccoon, and let nature takes its course.

Minutes later I came upon this post while jumping links:

Caterpillar to Butterfly via Imaginal Disks
http://ravenessences.wordpress.com/2010/08/17/caterpillar-to-butterfly-via-imaginal-disks

The universe not only gives me insight and healing, it wants to me to feel good too.